Example Descriptions of Memorial Ceremonies

If you're having trouble coming up with ideas for describing your memorial ceremonies, these examples might help.

Example 1: Specific Wishes

If you would like to hold a memorial for me, if possible, please hold it at the Glenview Botanical Gardens, where I have spent many years volunteering. You could wait until spring (no matter when I die) so that the tulips and daffodils would be in bloom. Holding it on the East Pavillion would allow room for many people and provide a beautiful view of the gardens.

For music, please play “Here Comes the Sun” by The Beatles. That song always made me feel hopeful, which is how I want everyone to feel while thinking about my life. I’ve already asked Clara to read the poem “Wild Geese” by Mary Oliver -- it captures how I’ve always felt about finding peace in nature and belonging in the world.

I’ve also asked Ellen, Marcus, and my coworker Dana to each say a few words. They each know a different part of my life and can provide a unique perspective--and all together they will provide a fairly full picture of my life. Then you could open it up to anyone who wants to say a little something. At some point (maybe at the end), I would like you to play “What a Wonderful World” by Louis Armstrong.

I know it won’t be easy to plan and hold this celebration. Please be kind to yourselves and each other, and if possible, please keep the tone light, open, and full of gratitude. I’m hoping that the process of planning and holding this event will bring you together and help you remember of all the beauty we shared.

Example 2: Saying What You Don’t Want

I don’t want a formal memorial ceremony. If the five of you want to gather some people together for a meal or a shared evening to remember my life, that would be fine--but know that I don’t need that. If you do have a gathering, please don’t have my body there, spend a lot of money on flowers or other decorations, or make any public announcements about the gathering. I would want it to be just my closest friends and family.

Example 3: Private and Public Ceremonies

I would like you to have two separate memorial ceremonies after my death--one intimate and private, the other for the broader community. During my life, I kept clear boundaries between my public and private lives, and I would like the same after I die.

I suggest having the first ceremony on the lake at our cabin. As you know that places is the source of some of my happiest memories, and I hope you feel my presence there when you gather to say goodbye. For this event, don’t feel like you need to organize any formal program. I just imagine you getting together on the dock, maybe at sunset, to say a few words about the love we’ve been so lucky to share.

The second, more formal ceremony is for the community. Over the years, through work and a full life, I’ve gotten to know so many wonderful people in our city and beyond. I know my death will be difficult for some, and I want you to provide an event that can help folks say goodbye to me and connect with others that I’ve known and cared about. Please have this gathering at the community center where we’ve held so many events over the years. This event should be open to everyone and feel free to announce it widely. I hope that it will be a welcoming event where everyone feels comfortable, regardless of their background. It might be fun to display photos that show different stages of my life, along with any small mementos that might spark good memories.

Because the community center’s multipurpose room can be a little drab, please arrange to have some bright seasonal flowers as decor. As for the ceremony itself, I’ll leave that up to you. I’m sure some of you will want to speak and others won’t, that’s fine. The ceremony should feel hopeful and should celebrate my life and connection with my community. Feel free to ask a few people to speak, but have them keep their words light, heartfelt, and short. At the end, invite anyone who feels moved to share some thoughts or memories, but please don’t let this part drag on. Maybe have a gathering with light refreshments after the ceremony.

My hope is that the lakeside ceremony will help you release me with peace and start to heal in quiet company, and that the community ceremony will let you -- and everyone who knew me -- celebrate a life shared.

Example 4: In the Moments After Death

In the moments after I pass, while my body is still in the house, please take a few minutes to gather at my bedside to say goodbye. I think Mom has a poem she wants to read, and maybe Billy does too? No need for anything formal, feel free to say or not say anything. I just want you to have a quiet moment to be with each other and a final moment to be with me. My hope is that this helps each of you begin the healing process and find comfort in one another.

Example 5: No Viewing

I don’t have any strong wishes or opinions about what kind of memorial you should have for me. Whatever you want to do is fine with me, and I’m sure it will be lovely. My one request is that you don’t have my body there. I want your memories to focus on me when I was vibrant and healthy, not as I was at the end of my life.

Example 6: Scattering Remains

I hope you will scatter my ashes at sea. Ideally, you’ll gather with a few family and friends, either on the shore or in a boat. You can play a little music and say some words and then let me go into the ocean’s waves. I like the idea of my ashes becoming part of the sea.

Example 7: Celebration of Life

If you have a memorial for me after I die, I hope it will be a celebration. I would love for everyone who knew me--friends, neighbors, coworkers--to have an opportunity to get together to share memories. I would want it to be an upbeat event with fun music and great food. Maybe Glenda can put together some of her amazing flower arrangements to make things cheerful. Don’t feel rushed to get the event together quickly. To me, it’s more important that you take the time to be ready to hold it and to make sure lots of people can come.