Writing a Final Wishes Document

Losing someone close to you is difficult, and making a final instructions letter during such a time can feel overwhelming. A final wishes document, sometimes called a final arrangements document or letter of last instructions, makes things easier for your loved ones by clearly stating your preferences for burial or cremation and the type of funeral or other ceremony you’d like. You can also include your wishes about organ or tissue donation, obituary instructions, favorite music or readings, people to notify, financial plans, and other important details.

Why It’s Important to Make a Last Wishes Document

When you make your wishes clear, you help your loved ones avoid confusion and disagreements. If there is a dispute, such as between a spouse and other relatives, funeral professionals usually have to follow your written instructions, especially if you have already paid for the arrangements.

Disputes can arise when more than one person is in charge of decision-making, such as when children disagree about burial or cremation. Writing down your wishes can help prevent or reduce these conflicts.

Planning these details ahead of time can also help save money. After a home and car, funeral and burial costs are often among the biggest expenses people face. Without your guidance, your loved ones might spend more than needed, either because they are grieving or feel pressured. Writing down your preferences can help avoid extra costs.

How to Make a Final Instructions Letter

Many people think a will is the best place to share their last wishes, but that's usually not the case. Wills are often not found or read until weeks after someone dies, and by then, arrangements are already made. It’s better to create a separate document for your final wishes. As long as your requests are reasonable and affordable, they’re likely to be followed.

If your family members get along, this step is often enough. Give a copy of your instructions to the people most likely to handle your arrangements, or make sure they know where to find your document when the time comes.

If you’re concerned your family might disagree with your wishes or argue after your death, you can make your document stronger by attaching it to a health care directive. While no document is foolproof—state laws can vary and sometimes have loopholes—a health care directive lets you name someone to make sure your instructions are carried out.

A health care directive mainly explains your wishes for medical treatment in emergencies or at the end of life. It also lets you choose a health care agent, someone who can make decisions for you if you can’t. You can also give your agent the power to handle your last wishes.

To help your agent follow your wishes, attach your letter of last instructions to your health care directive. If disagreements arise after your death, your agent has the legal authority to make sure your preferences are honored.

What to Include in Your Final Wishes Document

Your last wishes document should clearly state the instructions and preferences you want your loved ones to follow after your death. You might include details such as your burial or cremation choice, funeral wishes, and preferences for your obituary, music, pallbearers, or memorial markers. You can also cover practical matters, such as financial plans or transportation. Your letter of last instructions lets you share your unique wishes and helps make sure your final arrangements are handled the way you want.

Here’s a list of issues you may want to address. Each is briefly covered below.

• burial or cremation
• mortuary or cremation facility
• embalming
• casket or urn
• pallbearers
• transportation to the burial site
• headstone, monument, or burial marker
• epitaph
• funeral or memorial ceremonies
• obituary, and
• financial plans.

Include only the topics that matter to you. Your final arrangements document can be as detailed or as simple as you like, though being specific is usually helpful. If something doesn’t matter to you, you can leave it out. You can also update your document whenever your wishes change.

Burial or Cremation

When describing your wishes, a key decision is whether you prefer burial or cremation. If you choose burial, you can indicate your desired burial site. For cremation, you might want to specify if your ashes should be scattered, buried, interred, or kept by a loved one.

Body Burial. Although cremation is increasingly popular, many people still opt for burial. Depending on your preferences, burial may take place right after death or following a funeral or memorial service.

Burials can take place in a cemetery plot, mausoleum, or family crypt and usually involve a casket, though this isn’t always required by law. Burial costs can be high. A traditional funeral with burial and a headstone or monument can cost more than $10,000, but prices vary widely depending on your choices.

If you have already chosen or bought a burial site, include those details and any related documents with your final arrangements. If you haven’t picked a site yet, just mention your preferred location to guide your loved ones, even if it’s not guaranteed to be available.

Cremation. Now chosen by nearly half of people, Cremation costs less than burial and offers more flexibility. Many people prefer cremation because ashes can be scattered in a special place or kept by family members.

When planning for cremation, services may include transporting the body to the crematorium, holding a viewing or visitation, using a temporary container for the ashes, and arranging a memorial service. Other steps may include writing an obituary, obtaining the death certificate, and deciding where the ashes will be scattered.

If you choose cremation, be sure to write down what you want done with your ashes—whether you want them scattered, buried, kept aboveground, or shared with friends and family. Keep in mind that laws regarding scattering or burying ashes vary by state and city. Before making plans, check with local officials or your cremation provider to make sure your wishes can be followed.

Pallbearers

At some funerals, people carry the casket by hand during the ceremony, sometimes moving it from the service to the burial site. The cloth placed over the casket is called a pall, and the people who carry the casket are called pallbearers.

If you want your casket to be carried, you can choose specific pallbearers, usually close friends or family. There’s no reason to leave out women, even though tradition sometimes did. Pick people who can handle the task and are comfortable with it. Most funerals have four to eight pallbearers, but you can have more or fewer. If you don’t have enough people, the funeral home can help.

Transportation to Burial Site

If you have a specific preference for the vehicle that will transport your body—such as a horse-drawn carriage, antique car, or limousine—be sure to confirm with your chosen mortuary whether you can provide your own vehicle and whether this affects the transportation charges. If the options offered don’t meet your wishes, consider selecting a different mortuary that can accommodate them.

Headstones, Monuments, and Burial Markers

Grave markers come in many types, such as upright headstones, monuments, and flat markers. Upright markers, like traditional tombstones, are common for in-ground burials. Flat markers are often used for graves, mausoleums, columbaria, or family crypts. Many cemeteries now prefer flat markers because they are easier to maintain and save space, but you can choose what fits your style and the cemetery’s rules.

Markers also come in many sizes and materials, like marble, granite, bronze, or steel. Designs can be simple or very decorative, with carvings, images, or emblems. Green cemeteries may only allow natural stones or plants as markers. Prices range widely, from about $250 for a simple headstone to tens of thousands of dollars for large monuments or mausoleums.

Epitaphs

One of the most personal parts of planning your final arrangements is choosing what message you want on your grave marker. This message, called an epitaph, can be as simple as your birth and death years, or it can share something special about you, like a favorite quote, a poem, or a funny phrase that shows your personality.

Embalming

Embalming is a process in which blood is replaced with preservative fluids to slow the body’s decomposition for a short time. It became common during the Civil War to move bodies long distances and is now a routine option, but it’s rarely needed. Refrigeration usually works just as well. Many people think embalming is always required by law, but most states only require it in certain cases, like when a body is transported across borders, there are long delays before burial or cremation, or if a communicable disease is involved.

If you decide not to be embalmed, your body will be kept refrigerated until burial, and you can still have a funeral or open-casket service. The main difference is that without embalming, decomposition begins in a few days rather than weeks. Embalming usually costs about $750, while refrigeration is usually much less expensive, and some places offer it for free.

Caskets and Urns

When planning your final arrangements, you can specify the type of casket or urn you want. Some people use both—a casket for a funeral before cremation, and an urn for the ashes afterward.

Deciding in advance can help your loved ones avoid overspending when emotions are high, since caskets and urns can be expensive. By sharing your wishes, you make sure your choices—simple or fancy—are respected, and your family doesn’t have to guess what you wanted.

Caskets. For burial, you can pick a simple pine box, a more decorative casket, or even a cloth shroud. Some cemeteries require a casket, but you can choose the type and style. If you plan to have a viewing or service before cremation, renting a casket is common and can save money.

Caskets are made from many materials, including wood, metal, or cardboard, and prices vary greatly. A wood or metal casket usually costs about $2,500, while a cardboard one costs about $600, and burial shrouds cost $200 to $1,000. Renting a casket for a service costs about $950. You can also bring your own casket, and funeral homes can’t charge extra for that.

Urns. If your ashes will be scattered, a temporary container from the cremation facility is usually fine. If you want your ashes kept at home, placed in a columbarium, or buried, your loved ones will need a suitable urn or container.

Urns come in many styles and materials, from simple wooden boxes starting at about $50 to more elaborate or biodegradable urns that cost more. Some cemeteries or columbaria have rules about urn size or type, so be sure to check their requirements.

Obituary

An obituary is a notice published after you die that shares the news and gives important details about your life. It can also include information about funeral or memorial services, as well as requests for donations in your memory. In the past, newspapers separated paid family notices from editorial obituaries, but now they are often combined, with both free and paid options depending on your community and circumstances.

Online obituaries are now very popular. They usually have fewer length limits, cost less, and let you share photos, videos, and memories with friends and family far away. Many newspapers publish obituaries both in print and online, and there are special memorial websites where you can create a free or paid tribute page. The length, style, and cost of your obituary will depend on your wishes, your community, and the publication you choose.

Financial Plans

You can pay for your final arrangements ahead of time or set aside enough money for your loved ones to cover the costs after you’re gone. If you don’t do either and your estate can’t pay the bills, your family will have to cover any remaining expenses.

Paying in advance. If you want to pay for your final arrangements in advance, either all at once or in installments, be sure to use a trustworthy provider and keep good records of your agreement.

However, be careful. Sometimes prepaid funds have been mismanaged or stolen, and if a funeral provider goes out of business, you might not get your money back. Prepaid plans are often nonrefundable or expensive to transfer if you move, and future price increases could mean your family still has to pay extra.

Setting aside funds. A simple and flexible way to pay for your final expenses is to set aside money in an account that a trusted person, like your executor or trustee, can access right after your death. This could be a money market or payable-on-death account. Make your plans for these funds clear because the beneficiary isn’t legally required to use them for your arrangements.

What Happens If There Is No Last Wishes Document?

If you die without leaving written instructions, state law decides who is in charge of handling your remains. In most states, this responsibility goes first to your spouse or registered domestic partner, then to your children, parents, next of kin, or, if no one is available, a court-appointed public administrator.

Storing Your Final Instructions Letter

After you finish your last wishes document, keep everything organized and easy to find. Gather any related papers, such as receipts or contracts, and store them with your document or in a special folder or binder. If you plan to use your final arrangements document with a health care directive, make sure to keep them together.

Store these documents in a place where your loved ones can easily find them. You might want to make copies for important people and let them know where the originals are. It can also help to keep a list of who has copies in case you need to update or collect them later.

Changing or Revoking Your Final Arrangements Document

You can change or cancel your document whenever you want—there’s no special process needed. Just destroy the original, collect any copies you’ve given out, and get rid of them. Then, make a new document with your updated wishes.

More Information About Estate Planning

Writing down your final wishes is a caring and meaningful way to help your loved ones during a hard time. By planning ahead, you make sure your preferences are followed and your memory is honored as you want.

The articles below can help you learn more about estate planning:

• What Is Estate Planning?
• How to Avoid Probate
• How to Reduce Estate Tax

You can find out more about using WillMaker to create your estate plan in WillMaker’s Legal Manual.